is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
