Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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