I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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