I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize