dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
