OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
