Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
