He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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