Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
