apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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