Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
