That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
