I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im six kinds of drunk right now
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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