I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
