I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
