come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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