My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
