You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
