So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
