Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
