I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
