Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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