He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
