we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
