WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
