That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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