Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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