it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
