He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
