this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
