Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
