Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
