someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
