dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your penis caused this!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize