Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
