I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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