Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
