i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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