i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This is the high leading the old right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
