No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
