Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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