Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
