Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
