we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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