I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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