So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
