Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize