i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
