I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i out mim tonsoeep
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