I am puke
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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