weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
