i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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