....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
