Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
