can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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