i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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