90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
