I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
