We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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