brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
high people should be assigned attendants
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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