I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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