What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.