is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
