Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.