the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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