i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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