He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
