Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
