this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
